I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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