Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize