So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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