can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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