He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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