Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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