I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
