if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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