You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
