I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
