Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?

(1-707): View more from California

logic in its finest

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(510): View more from California

i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece

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(213): View more from California

You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?

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