It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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