im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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