You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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