sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
