so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
