So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
