he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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