is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your penis caused this!
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