it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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