I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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