Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize