Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
