I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
