You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't notice because vodka
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
