i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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