so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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