it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
