I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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