When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
