I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
