Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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