he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
