I'm really into asian looking animals
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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