Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
