I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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