do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
im on a boat
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