you guys were way drunker than both of me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
