I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
