The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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