Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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