Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
