"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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