i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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