omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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