you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
