i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
