i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
