belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
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