my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
