Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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