I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
