I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
