Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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