So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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