He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
