I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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