we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
