God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
