I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
