bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
