Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
