You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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