how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i out mim tonsoeep
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