Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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