I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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