Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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