Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
