he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i out mim tonsoeep
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
