dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
