New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
