i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
