Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
