the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
