I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
