the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
