I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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