I hate all girls vehemently.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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