she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
