HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
