I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize