I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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