Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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