dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
