woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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