I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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