that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
