Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
