they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
