My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize