i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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