what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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